Unloved
by GilmoreGirlAddict
Summary: Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen year old Zack. Nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? Zack's POV
1. Left

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Author's Note: **The character's personalities have changed just a little bit, but they are still a little bit the same. Zack's has probably changed the most, so just bear with me, please. Also, this is my first fan fic ever, so it may not be all that great. Please read and review!

* * *

I looked out at the stars one night, and my mind drifted to my old crush -- Maddie. She had gone to college already, leaving me here with a broken heart. Did a mention that not only was she my old crush, but my current one, too?

She had left me here, with nothing to hold onto. Cody, being eighteen, as I was, had also left for college. I stayed at the Tipton, finding random jobs around Boston so I could keep up with paying for the suite, the same one I had lived in when I was about twelve. What about Mom, you ask? She died, and Dad left. He never comes to see me anymore, he has a new wife and kids. He doesn't care about me. Nobody does.

If they did, why would they all leave me? I couldn't get into a college, even if I had dared to apply. Well, I did get some scholarships, but they weren't enough. No, I couldn't go to college. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I spent my day working, doing nothing but working and eating, and at night I slept for three to five hours, all so I could get enough money to eat and hold up a rent. I rarely got new things, unless they were absolutely necessary. I saved most of my money, I had to. I couldn't spend it all and go broke, then starve to death and die.

Nobody noticed me, nobody cared about me. Nobody, nobody at all. Esteban ignored me. Muriel didn't even approach me, Moseby only talked to me to yell at me, Maddie never came to see me at the Tipton, Cody never came... Nobody. Absolutely nobody. Me, once cool and popular Zack, had become a loner.

So I would decided to run away. No; not run away, just take a "walk". I had no idea where I would end up, nor did I care. I just had to get away. Let my anger out on something, maybe a tree... I don't know. My hair was the same as it had been for years, and I had tucked some of it behind my ear before heading out, with only a water bottle in hand. Nothing more.

About four hours later, I had reached Maddie's college. I hadn't meant to go there, I just... ended up there. I stood there for minutes, just looking at the building, wishing that I had never messed up, that I had become the man I had wished I would become. But what I didn't know was that I'd actually turn out to be better than the man I had wished to become.

The slamming of a car door behind me had taken me from my thoughts. I had quickly turned around, to see a beautiful Maddie coming out of the car. I sighed, knowing now that she would have to notice me. And, for once, I was actually upset about that. She ran up to me, anyway, and hugged me -- or she tried to. I pushed her away.

"Zack... What's wrong?" she asked, suddenly concerned. Of all of those three years, she wasn't concerned until then. What a great friend.

"Everything's wrong!" I yelled angrily, not even attempting to hold in the anger. "Mom died, Dad doesn't want to even hear my voice, let alone come look at me, Cody left for college, you left for college, nobody talks to me, I'm constantly ignored! You never come to see me on any of the breaks that you've had for the past three years, Cody's never come to see me or even calls me, Mom _can't _come see me, Moseby only talks to me when he wants to yell at someone, Esteban ignores me, Muriel won't even come near me, London never even notices that I'm there, and Arwin doesn't even look at me! Everyone ignores me. Nothing is right anymore, Maddie!"

Maddie was silent. Now she was at a loss of words, over three freakin' years of not even seeing me? I really feel loved. Finally, she spoke. "I'm... sorry, Zack," she had said, her voice quiet.

"Is that all, Maddie? An 'I'm sorry'? Yeah, Maddie, that helps. I don't even know why I'm here. I think I'm going to go back to my idea of going somewhere that nobody knows me, where nobody here will have to deal with me. I might go to California, that'll keep me out of your hair. So just go back to your college life, your boyfriend, whatever. And, since you probably have more communication with my brother than I do, tell him I'm leaving." With that, I walked away, not looking back, and ignoring her cry of "Zack!". She didn't deserve for me to be nice to her, no matter how much I loved her. She had ignored me for three whole years! What was I supposed to do?

And then, thirty minutes after I had left the college's campus, I felt something in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't regret, it wasn't guilt; it was pain. Five minutes later, everything went black, and the last thing I saw was the evil smirk of a man I didn't recognize.


	2. Family?

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I do, however, own the bad guys. (Except one future "bad guy".)

* * *

I lifted my head up, but I wasn't sure if I was awake. Everything was still as dark as they could be. But when my head was hit by a swinging light, I knew I was awake. Suddenly, the light flashed on, and I looked around the room, trying to stay calm. At least five guys surrounded me, each one buff, like a football player, and somewhat like me. Most wore black leather jackets and white shirts, with blue jeans: this was most definitely a gang. And they had me trapped in a beat-down basement, with no windows, and a horrible stench.

One of the men laughed, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Took you long enough to wake up," he said, and the others nodded in agreement. He seemed to be the leader of this gang.

"How long was I out for?" I questioned, trying to sound calm. Trying being the operative word. But I did know that I had to appear calm, and unfrightened by these guys, or I would surely be in the hospital once someone found me -- if I was even alive.

"An hour," one of the weaker-looking men replied with a shrug. An hour was long? Geez.

"Ah," I said, adjusting my body into a more comfortable position. "Now, what am I here for?"

"You seem kinda tough, kid," one of the older ones said, kinda avoiding my question. "Let's see how tough you really are."

"We'll put you against Butch here,'' the leader said with a smirk, "and see how you do." He jabbed a thumb towards a tough-looking guy. But I could take him on.

"Alright then, you want to do this now? I'm ready anytime," I replied with a small shrug, rolling of the large slab of rock that I had been laying on.

"You sure, kid?" the older one asked, amusement dancing across his face.

"Hey, do you think that I wouldn't be ready? It's not like I'm in acoma or anything." I looked at Butch, then at the leader. "Tell me when."

"Now," the gang leader replied simply. "Butch, get ready."

"Yeah, Boss, I got it -- beat this weakling up to where he decides to lay there and stop breathin', Boss. No need ter explain nothin'."

"Except proper English," I retorted. I wanted to work this guy up, let him waste all his energy trying to beat me up while I dodged, then beat _him _up. Hopefully he was as dumb as I thought.

"Shut up," Butch snapped, running towards me with a fist closed, ready to punch. He let his fist towards my face, not stopping; I ducked, letting out my leg to trip him. I did all of this in one quick motion, spinning around to face him. My plan was working so far.

Butch got back up, running back to me, this time letting his fist come from the right and go towards the left, at my stomach. I sucked in my stomach and moved it backwards, his fist getting some of my shirt and pulling me slightly. But this was going way too well for me to back down now. With a smirk, I made my hand into a fist and aimed straight for Butch's nose. The punch was successful, and a crack was audible -- I had broken his nose! His head went back. Blood was all over his face and my fist, but he was visibly angrier. His fist went back, then came in contact with _my _nose. He did the exact same thing I did, except I staggered back a little bit.

I ducked from another punch, using my hands to support my weight as I lifted my feet to kick Butch in the stomach. His eyeballs widened at the contact, but he grabbed my feet and threw me into the air. I hit the wall and screamed slightly in pain. Breathing heavily, I muttered, "Now it's on." I got up on my feet and charged at the smirking Butch, my fists quickly punching him numerous times. He deserved it.

Finally, Butch punched at me, and I kicked him back, right across the eyes. He staggered back, hitting the wall. Then, the gang leader's voice flooded into the room. "I believe that this newcomer deserves a spot in our gang. But first, we need to decide on someone to take out." He smirked, and I felt an odd feeling. It wasn't bad, it was actually... good. For once, someone was recognizing me. A strong gang.

Everyone -- except me -- turned and looked at Butch. The gang leader noticed this, and said, "Well, I suppose that he did beat Butch, to an extent. It's final -- Butch is out, this kid is in. Now, kid, what's your name?"

"Zack," I replied, my heart beating like a drum. "Zack Martin."

"Hmm... Zack," he repeated. "We need a tough name for you, a nickname. We've got Viper, Cobra, Skullz, and I'm Bonez, or Boss. Think up a name, kid."

"Vulture?" I suggested. Why I picked that name was a mystery to me at that time. But Bonez seemed to think it was good.

"Welcome to the gang, Vulture. You're one of us now." Following that were some welcoming slaps on the back.

All I knew was that I had found something that was like a family -- and it was the only chance I had.


	3. You Deserve to Die

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I do, however, own the bad guys. (Except Zack.)

* * *

"Alright, it's about time to go on out," Boss said a little while later. "Let's go. Vulture, you stay with Viper; you two will become a bit of a team, until you figure out how things work around here. If you get left behind, you get left behind; we don't wait up here, so you best learn fast."

I nodded, following Viper and the rest of the gang outside. It was a pretty busy night, and there were police cars everywhere, from what I could see. I followed the gang around a corner, into an alleyway. Two men, looking weak and scared, were huddled up in a corner of the alleyway. Boss approached them, and the rest of us stayed back a little bit. "You got anythin' to say?'' Boss asked the two men. Both of them shook their heads, then one handed Boss a briefcase. "Good," he said with a smirk.

Pointing to Cobra, Boss nodded slightly. Cobra walked up to the men, followed by Skullz. They both grabbed a man, pinning them to the alleyway's cold brick surroundings. Then Boss nodded at Viper and, of course, me. We walked up to the four and -- I followed Viper's lead -- began to take everything from the scared men's pockets and jackets, leaving them with only their clothes. As we stepped away and stuffed the things into our pockets, Skullz and Cobra placed the men on the ground and let them go after a few punches. They ran away, but three other people had decided to approach us.

I felt my muscles tense as I looked at the three figures. Boss didn't seem quite so... nervous, but the other members of the gang did. ''Look who's here," said one of the figures, who appeared to be the leader. At least, he was a bit in front of the other two, and in the middle. I figured he was the leader. "The weakling crew." He laughed, then looked at me. I couldn't see his eyes that well, because the moon was currently hidden behind the alleyway's dark walls, but I could feel his cold, cruel eyes upon me. Then he spoke again. "You got a newcomer, eh? What happened to your ol' Butch?"

"This kid, the newcomer, beat Butch up," Boss replied coolly. His voice wasn't too proud, but it did seem slightly impressed. Maybe Butch was supposed to be really tough or something. I never knew.

"Oh, really? As well as my boy Snake Eyes here did?" It was obvious to me who Snake Eyes was, because I could hear him muttering loudly from the right side of the one I thought was the leader, "It was a piece o' cake, Biz. Piece o' cake..."

"Actually, worse," Boss replied. "Gave Butch a broken nose in the process. But, Biz, why're you here? Thought they locked you up. You always were the weakest one of us all, and I mean in the whole city. And I don't say that with friendliness.''

"We all know I was weak," Biz said, and I could make out a smirk upon his face, "but you were always the soft one. You always took in the weak ones. You didn't care much about their rep."

"And I made them better than they were, stronger, smarter. I built them up, and Cobra and Skullz are here to prove that. Most of the ones I trained left. But who cares? I only let the strong ones into my gang now."

"What about Viper there? I thought he was a geek.'' The other two beside Biz laughed, and I clenched my teeth. I just became part of the gang, but, as I've mentioned before, they were like my family. More so than Cody and Kurt, more of friends than Maddie or Esteban, or anyone I've ever known. And I wouldn't let people just come around and talk trash about them to my face.

"Every gang needs brains. That's something yours should start looking for," Boss retorted. "Plus, he's strong, too. He beat you up easily, remember?"

"Shut up. Just give us the briefcase, and we'll be on our way. And we won't tell anyone how pitiful your gang's been becoming. Cobra and Viper? Weak. You and Skullz? Pathetic. The newcomer? Weak, pathetic, pitiful, sad, and abandoned. Just give it up, you aren't as good as you once were." At that I tensed up more than I was. I couldn't attack, though... I had to keep it all in. I couldn't lurch out and attack, I didn't even know my exact place in this gang yet.

But I couldn't hold it in, no matter how hard I tried.

I jumped out and punched Biz straight in the nose, hearing the crack and knowing I was successful in breaking his nose. The other two -- Snake Eyes first -- jumped out at me, fists ready to strike me. I knew, I thought, I would be fighting this one on my own. I was used to that by now, being left alone for this long. I grabbed Snake Eyes' fist and was expecting for the other one's fist to come and hit me, but it never did. I turned around and there was Viper, helping me with the other one, and then I saw Cobra fighting Biz. I smiled slightly: at least they were there for me. Skullz was watching, for policemen I guess, and Boss was just watching the fight.

I snapped back to my senses as I was hit in the stomach by Snake Eyes. I staggered back, coughing once or twice, and then charged at Snake Eyes, kicking the side of his face. I had jumped up to kick him, then landed on my feet after spinning in the air, to the side. Snake Eyes brought his hand to his cheek, looking slightly suprised. I took advantage of these few seconds, and punched him in the stomach, followed by bringing my knee to his stomach, hard. He staggered back, and, as he did, I charged back up to him and began to punch him, hard, in the stomach. Continuing punches, quick punches, in the same spot. But then, Snake Eyes grabbed me by the neck, choking me slightly; then he threw me. I hit some trashcans, and the loud noise of me crashing into them and then them crashing into each other was loud and echoed throughout the alleyway. This seemed to catch someone's attention.

"Police!" Skullz shouted suddenly, and six policemen appeared. I couldn't tell what direction they came from, but three of them took Snake Eyes, Biz, and -- I could hear Biz angrily shouting out his name -- Poison.

"Let's go, boys!" Boss shouted as they took Biz and his gang away, climbing a ladder that led to the rooftop of a building. I was last, and one of the policemen ripped me from the ladder. I couldn't be caught. No. This was the closest thing to a family that I had. I twisted in the man's grasp and punched him in the eye. He let go of me to cover his eye, staggering back. I dashed back to the ladder and began to climb, barely avoiding the grasp of a back-up policeman. But it wasn't over yet. All three of the policemen followed me, climbing the ladder once I was safely at the top.

"Vulture, brave move!" Viper congratulated me. I shook my head. "Come on, man, we gotta get moving," I said, ignoring the compliment. We ran after Boss, Skullz, and Cobra. I didn't look back, I couldn't. I didn't mind seeing the policemen, it was just how one of them, the middle one, reminded me of Cody. I gulped and jumped to the next rooftop. The other gang members, and -- I looked back just this once -- the policemen seemed to have no trouble jumping from rooftop to rooftop. I'd just have to learn how it's done.

I knew that the rooftops would end sooner or later, and had hoped for later -- but the result was sooner. A policeman grabbed me, the one that resembled Cody, and Skullz and Viper were caught by the other two. Boss and Cobra had gotten away. But I wouldn't be caught that easily.

"What's your name?" I asked the policeman that was holding me, not wanting to hear the answer, but knowing I needed to. He looked way too much like my brother, like me. Although, since I was covered in blood, nobody would recognize me, except the new gang I was in. Heck, nobody I knew would recognize me if I were clean! But, again, Boss' gang would. My gang would.

"Cody... Cody Martin," the policeman replied. "What's it to you, criminal?"

"The fact that you're my brother should answer that question," I snapped. Now I was really angry. Cody decided to show up _now_, of all times? He decided to arrest me, not visit me? Some brother.

"Zack?" he questioned, but his grip only got tighter, since he was reaching for handcuffs. But I wouldn't let him take me.

"It's me.'' My voice still showed no friendliness -- and neither did my punch. In other words, I twisted from Cody's grasp -- he still wasn't as strong as me -- and punched him square in the eye. That's when my anger came from nearly under the surface to full-out rage. I grabbed my brother by the neck, angrily telling him, "Some brother you are. You never come to visit me since you went away to that damn college of your's! Nobody ever listens to me. Of course, being the person you are, you wouldn't care, would you? Dammit, Cody!"

I kneed him in the stomach, and as he doubled over, I punched his cheek. He began to cry, the tears coming slowly. But I wasn't going to stop for that, not this time. Nothing he could say could ease my anger. I picked him up easily, hurling him over the side of the rooftop. If he died, then that would be one less person I would have to deal with. Even if it meant many more people chasing me. Cody deserved to die.


	4. Two of a Kind

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I do, however, own the gang(s)/gang members. (Except Zack.)

* * *

The scream of my brother, falling down from that dark rooftop to the sidewalk below pierced through my heart. I remember the exact sound, the exact pitch, the exact amount of time it went on for; I remember how it began, how it ended, I remember every detail exactly. And I can still see him falling to the ground, then disappearing from my sight; I can remember my anger at that moment, being taken away by a sudden feeling of pain and guilt, then the anger returning at the exact moment his scream ended. And the only thing I could think when he stopped, when he died, was, _'Finally, Cody; now you felt what I feel, but you only felt it for a minute.'_

Skullz was let go as the policeman that had gotten him ran for me. As I panted heavily, I clenched my teeth and quickly rolled away from the man, before he could grab me. My anger hadn't subsided yet, so I decided to take it out on them. I dashed towards the police officer, angrily kicking him in the stomach, then getting him into a headlock. He wriggled out of my grasp, punching me in the stomach. I fell to the ground, just laying there, breathing for a second, before I got back up and socked the man in the nose. It was at that time that Skullz took over, and I ran towards Viper and his police officer. With my help, Viper was able to get away from the man. Then I heard something I wasn't expecting.

"Hurry up, boys!" Boss yelled, coming up the ladder and noticing the fight. He had smirked, I could tell; but I couldn't see anything else because I snapped back to reality and punched one of the men over the side of the building. Or, at least, I almost did; he held onto the edge of the building, his hands obviously holding on as hard as they could. With a smirk, I had stepped on one of his hands, then the other, and he fell to the sidewalk. He was obviously still alive, for I could hear him shout up to me, "You damn criminal! You killed a police officer, then you tried to kill me? You're gonna pay!" A stone landed by my feet a few seconds afterwards.

I shook my head and turned around, Skullz and Viper soon following. They had taken care of the third officer. We followed Boss back to the 'headquarters', which, oddly, contained a shower. Boss allowed me to have the first shower, then told me once I got out, "Explain to me about the first officer you threw over. Skullz and Viper said you knew him, or somethin' like that." He had taken off his jacket and threw it on the floor, looking at me expectantly.

"Well," I had replied slowly, "truth be told, he was my brother. The brother that went to college then never talked to me, never called me, never communicated with me at all."

"Ah," Boss mused. "Well... Rhode Island College tomorrow. We haven't been there yet..." Then, as if he snapped back to reality, Boss asked me, "What do you think 'bout causin' some trouble down at the Rhode Island college? We don't usually do colleges, but there's gonna be a party we could do some... trouble at."

"Rhode Island college? That's perfect. More than perfect, actually," I said, a small smile forming on my face. "Hey, boss, do you mind if we mess up a few rooms? Dorm number 155, especially... I have some 'issues' with the person that lives in it."

"How could I say no? You're already catchin' onto our system. We do almost anything that causes trouble... and you murderin' your brother proved that you aren't some coward."

I nodded, then asked, "Where do we sleep, Boss?" I looked around, not seeing any rooms at that time. Then Boss stood, walking over to a huge rock and moving it over with my help. Then he lifted a trap door, and said, "Right down there are some rooms, slightly furnished. Find one that isn't being occupied and that's where you'll stay."

I nodded. "All right." I jumped down, having enough head room and barely enough width to get around. I rubbed a hand through my hair as I took in everything around me; an old, musty smell, doors surrounding me at all times, a cold rock floor beneath my feet... It was something I liked. Finding a door without a name etched into the wood, I entered the room and looked at the bed first thing. It was made, with dark black sheets over it. And, to my suprise, it was an actual bed with an actual matress and a feather pillow. And beside the bed was a dresser, with four drawers, and there was a small closet. Plus a rug and a small door in one of the corners, that led to a small bathroom. At least, there was a toilet and a shower. No sink, or anything like that. All around the room were candles, and then, in another corner behind a rock that was easy to lift, was another door.

This one caught my attention, and I didn't realize Boss coming into the room behind me, even though his footsteps were slightly loud. But this door, it had a small sentence written on it in what could only be blood. It read, _'Die, fell my pain'_.

I jumped slightly as one of Boss' hands clasped my shoulder. Then I could hear him say to me, "You picked my brother's old room, I see." There was a slight pause, then he continued. "You should be comfortable in here." Then he had stood back up, for he had been squatting beside me at the small door that I would have to crawl into, and he turned around and began to head for the door that led back to the 'hall', if you could call it that.

"Wait," I said suddenly, without turning to look at Boss. "What is this? Where does this door lead? And, what does this sentence mean?" I needed answers... I couldn't live without answers.

I could hear a sigh coming from Boss' mouth. "You gotta find out what's behind that door, I can't tell you... But I'll warn you, not all of it's pretty. And it's a door. Finally, it means... I killed my brother, too, kid."

My gulp was audible to both me and Boss -- I could tell by his expression -- as I took this in. Rubbing a hand through my hair, I nodded and Boss left, leaving me alone. Taking a deep breath, I gently opened the door, despite the loud creaking noise that came from it. I got on my hands and knees and, grabbing a flashlight, crawled through the dark passageway.


	5. Dagger and a Skull

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I do, however, own the gangs/gang members. (Except Zack.)

* * *

I shone my light right before me, holding it in my mouth for the time being, seeing as how it was too hard to avoid rocks while holding the flashlight in my hand. The stench was horrible, a mixture between dried blood, rotting humans, sweat, and dead animals. There was very little air, and for a second I considered going back. What if there was something through here that killed me? I gulped and continued going, I had to know what was down here.

Finally, I got to a place where I could stand. I took my flashlight from my mouth and held it with my hand, shining it around the hole that seemed like a room. What I saw made me jump back with my back against the rock in fear and shock.

Skeletons, human skeletons, were leaning against the rock in many places. Some were attached the rock by metal chains, others just slumping against the wall. Most seemed to have died of either sickness or starvation, though there was one in particular that scared me.

It seemed to be the youngest of them all, and only seemed to be a year or two dead; but what really scared me is the way that it died. A dagger was pierced into the skull, at an angle, and dried blood covered part of the skull and most of the dagger. A large crack went down the side of the skull, and some dried blood was around the edges, but there was something else. Something with a bit of a pink tint, something that wasn't sticking to the skull like the blood... It was the brain. That was the only thing that it could be. I gulped, trying to regain my composure. This was too much, I couldn't stand this.

But something gold caught my eye, and I was practically forced to stay because of the light from my flashlight reflecting off the necklace. I turned towards the dead body, quickly pulling off the necklace and returning to my place in front of the rock. There was a locket in the shape of a cross, and I opened it, even if it did take what seemed like forever. Inside was a picture of Boss, then a picture of the dagger... The dagger in the head. I dropped the locket suddenly, and it smashed into many pieces beside an eyeball. I shuddered. Fake gold.

One more glance at that certain skeleton sent me running out of the room, crawling frantically through the small passageway, not paying much attention to the rocks that jagged up from the ground. As I shut the door behind me, I fell on the ground, panting heavily. I moved the rock back, not wanting to go through that passageway ever again. I sighed, then got up to take another shower.

------

I rolled onto my side and opened my eyes, just laying in the bed for a few minutes. Then I yawned, crawling out of the bed to stretch. I pushed some hair out of my eyes, then slipped on my shoes. Time for a run, then to get my clothes from the Tipton.

Running was something I did everyday, no matter what. I always ran for two miles at the least, but today I knew that it'd be more than that. Much more. The Tipton was about twenty miles away on the shortest way, which would be walking through walls. Twenty-five on the most possible way.

Sighing, I began to walk as the Tipton came into sight. I was actually going back in there. I couldn't even believe myself, going back to where everyone hated me. But I had to.

Going up to my room, I unlocked the door and began to pack up all the things that were important to me. I didn't need any food, so I didn't pack any, but I got all the clothes, items, and so forth that I needed. Then I threw my key into the air, catching it as it came back down, and then took the elevator back down, carrying my suitcase.

"Moseby," I said in a less than friendly voice, "start up a party. I'm leaving. You should probably get someone to clean the rest of the stuff out of my room, too." I tossed the key at him, it hitting him on the cheek as I had planned. Then I walked out of the hotel, not really caring if he heard me or not.

------

"Vulture, man, where were you?" Viper asked me as I walked back into my new house. I lifted up my suitcase so he could see it.

"I went for a run and grabbed some of my stuff on the way," I muttered, jumping down through the trap door and walking into my new room, throwing the suitcase on the bed as Boss walked in.

"So, Vulture, you ready for tonight?" he asked, hands in his pockets and looking at me. I sat down on the bed and shrugged.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I said, a bit quiter than I meant to, and ran a hand through my hair. Then I stood up and began to unpack.

Boss made a weird noise, as if he didn't believe me. "Well, I expect you completely ready when we leave. You got that, Vulture?"

I turned back to face him, but I didn't answer his question. I had something to ask him. "Did you kill your brother with a dagger that you stuck into his head?" I could see some of the color drain from his face, but I kept my eyes locked with his.


	6. Scarred

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I do, however, own the gangs/gang members. (Except Zack.)

**A/N: **Sorry about the majority of the chapters being short... I'm gonna try to make them longer.

"Yes." The answer was short and simple, but it told me what I needed to know, it answered the question I had asked, and that was good enough for me. But before I could answer my mouth to say anything else, Boss had continued. "That was my brother, with the dagger in 'is skull. I doubt that you took the dagger out, Vulture. Right?"

I shook my head. Was I supposed to? was the question that ran through my mind. I was sitting stifly, and I think that Boss could tell; his eyes showed slight sympathy. "N-no, Boss. I left it there..."

"As I said, I didn't think you would take it out. But if you did, you woulda had a pretty nice dagger. Imprinted on the hilt, in pure gold, was B.H., or Barry Hintsonn. Barry was my step-father." He paused slightly there, then added, "You saw other skeletons down there, too, didn't you, kid? If you did, those are mostly just victims. Of Barry and my brother. They were cold-blooded killers, and took the lives of more people than were seen down 'ere. Many, many more. And finally I killed my brother, there were no other options. Barry had died beforehand, due to some other gang. I don' know the details of his death. Don' care, either. It felt good at the time to kill my brother, and the world has been a better place since... Yet, still I sometimes regret that day. He was my brother, no matter what, y'know?"

"Yeah, I know..." I said that quietly, and Boss patted my shoulder and left. I completely forgot about the necklace... The story behind that piece of jewelry would just have to wait. As Boss shut the door behind him, I couldn't help it. Tears flowed down from my eyes, staining my cheeks and occasionally finding their way across my lips, allowing the watery taste to rest on me tongue,

But I didn't cry.

The tears flowed, I didn't stop them. And yet, I didn't cry. My face didn't get all messed up and red like it does when you cry, and I didn't make those crazy noises that happen when you're gasping for breath or something while you cry, either. I just let the tears come with the realization of Cody's death. I knew he was dead all along, I had killed him; but I never actually faced the facts, never came to really understand that he had died, that he was no longer there, no matter how much he left me, no matter how much he stayed away from me... And because of me. I had caused this, I had over-reacted, I had been the one that made him stay away, and all because of what? What had I done to receive that treatment from my own brother, my own blood? Why had he just left me there, no caring about anything I did or said, not caring what I felt, not caring about my pain. He didn't care. I had hated my brother, hated him more than anything because he rejected me when I needed him more than anything in the world, but still, I had loved him. Beneath all my hatred for him, there was the love I've always had for him, the want, the need, for him to just visit me, talk to me. But there was love. I still loved Cody.

I still loved Mom, even though she's dead. I still loved Dad, even though he wanted nothing to do with me. I still loved Maddie, as both friends and a love interest, no matter how much she wanted to annoy me. I still knew Moseby as that annoying hotel manager that, although we -- meaning me and Cody -- always got on his bad side. I loved him, in a way, like a kid would love his friend. I loved Esteban as a friend, and London in the same way. Max and Tapeworm, those two were with me for the longest time; they visited with me a month after Cody left, then there was nothing from them. And yet, I loved them all, no matter how much they ignored me, no matter how much they didn't care, how much they wanted to get rid of me, no matter how much of a pest, how much of a burden, I was to them. It didn't matter. I loved them.

And yet, no matter how much I loved them, all of them, I remained alone. I remained unloved.

The words echoed in my head: _'Give it up, Zack. You are unloved... unloved... unloved...'_ They took control of my brain, and I couldn't think of anything besides the fact that they didn't love me, none of them, that they all hated me. They didn't care about me, as if I was almost completely invisible to them, invisible to them all. Invisible.

_"What are you going to do, Zack? Kill me?" came Cody's taunting words, and I could see a smirk on his face as he stood a few yards in front of me. I shook with anger, my hands changing into fists as I charged at my brother, then my hand going straight at his mouth. But as I punched, I could feel Cody disappearing, I could see it. It was as if it were merely smoke, and the feel was bone-chilling, and it left something on my hand -- blood. In fear, I backed up, then fell to the ground suddenly, as I hit something hard -- Cody. But then it disappeared, like the first one, leaving drops of blood on my body._

_And then the ground left. I was falling from the sky, screaming, and my scream reminded me of Cody's. Oh, so much like Cody's! But Cody was up there, on top of what looked like flying bricks, smirking as he watched me fall, and it reminded me of myself when I killed Cody... Then I hit the sidewalk. I screamed out in great pain, but when I stood, I saw Maddie._

_"Maddie?" I asked, stepping towards her. But she yelled at me. Anger filled her voice._

_"How dare you, Zack! You just walked away from me, did nothing to talk to me. But you love me! How is that, why is that? How can you still love me, Zack? I turned you down years ago. Six years ago, ever since you started liking me. How could that love, that crush that meant practically nothing, and let it continue growing with you?" And then she smacked me. As my eyes closed, I could feel her disappearing, evaporating, just like Cody had done two times already. I felt like they were playing with me, toying with my emotions, trying to prove to me that they no longer needed me, no longer cared about me. But still, she went away, leaving me covered in even more blood. Then I realized... That was my blood. The tingle I got from that was the feeling of it taking the blood, forcing it in through the small pores, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing I could do to save myself._

_I was sweating blood, it coming out of my pores like rain from a cloud. Fast, unstopping. They had done something... They had made it come out easier, the tingle had left, but it was replaced with pain. Pain from the blood leaving my veins, going right through them as if they didn't exist. Yet I still lived. How was that possible? I looked around, and I could hear the many voices of those that I loved, all saying, "You deserve to die, Zack... You deserve to die."_

_Out came Cody's voice, louder than all the others, like they were background singers and he was the main singer. But this wasn't a song. It felt more like a speech that would kill me. "He killed me! He really killed me, pushed me off a building... He didn't want me to live. He wanted me to die! He hated me, more than anything in the world, and yet he didn't care that I died. It didn't matter to him, I didn't matter to him."_

_Then there was Maddie's voice. "I tried to help him, tried to get him to understand. But he wouldn't listen. He walked away, he didn't care, before I could do anything but call out his name. It was as if he wanted me to just leave, when he was angry at me for leaving in the first place!''_

_I couldn't take it anymore. "You left ME! You didn't care about ME! You all wanted me to die, nobody cared, everything went wrong. I had nobody to turn to, nobody to care for me, to help me when things went wrong, dammit. I killed you out of anger, Cody, you know that. You were supposed to be my brother, you were supposed to be there for me. But you weren't. You didn't care, you forgot about me and didn't care that you did. We both knew that I would go to jail sooner or later, but I am, no, sorry, WAS your brother. Even if you were alive I wouldn't call you my brother, Cody. You didn't care about me, you didn't want to visit me, you didn't even call me or e-mail me or even text me. How do you think that made me feel? And Maddie, I didn't need you to try comforting me. You would have done it beforehand, without me having to appear at your college, if you were really my friend."_

_I could see a smirk appear on all of their faces and Cody said to me, "I don't know, Zack... But you'll find out how I felt when you killed me. No, wait, your death will be worse!'' Each of them took a dagger from their belts and started to advance on me from all directions. I couldn't do anything. Cody's dagger came first, then Maddie's, then everyone else's followed..._

I sat up in the bed, covered in sweat, my clothes sticking to me and almost soaked completely through. "Wha's wrong, Vulch?" Viper asked as he shoved the door open. He used the shorter nickname for me, and that was slightly comforting.

"N-nothing, Viper. Just a nightmare..." I bit my lip and sighed, then Viper nodded.

"We're here for you, bro, if you need anything. Yo're one of us now, y'know." He gave me one more glance before walking out the door, pulling the door closed behind him. I cringed as it squeaked closed, then stood up and took a deep breath. I knew what I had -- or, more like wanted -- to do now. Pulling myself together, I took my sticky shirt off and made my way to that all too familiar door, moving the rock away from its entrance. And then I got on my hands and knees, pulling the door open. It was a lot harder to open than I remembered, this time it took a lot more struggle. And the door creaked so loudly that it hurt my eardrums. But still I struggled with the door, and when I finally got it open, I wasted no time in crawling through the hole. I was glad when I reached the room. I knew where Boss' brother was, so I walked straight over to him and pulled the dagger as hard as I could. It took many tries before I could get it.

_"How dare you kill me! You _will_ pay for this!'' _came the voice of someone that I didn't know, it was only in my head, I was sure... But how could I be sure? How could I be sure that I wasn't just hearing things? I couldn't be sure. And that is something that haunts me to this very day -- what was that voice? Who did it belong to? Why did _I_, of all people, hear it?

I temporarily shook all questions relating to the voice from my head, and looking one more time at that decaying, dead skeleton, I took a deep breath and crawled back through the tunnel, my hands getting hit many times by the rocks. I had forgotten a flashlight this time, and now I was regretting that. The flashlight would have helped greatly. However, I finally saw the light from my room shining through into the once almost pitch-black room, and I felt alot like a blind man who regained his sight. I felt like jumping for joy, and cheering, but merely because I was alive.

For now.

Shoving the door closed behind me, then picking the rock up and placing it in front of the door, I took the golden-hilted dagger into the bathroom and gently felt the edges as I began to wash the dried blood off, carefully but successfully. It wasn't very sharp, but sharp enough, anyway. Sharp enough for what I had planned. Adjusting it in my hands, I slashed my arm, the cut not going very deep, but deep enough for some blood to come out. I wrapped my arm in a bandage and sighed deeply. I had cut myself.


	7. Worthless

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I do, however, own the gangs/gang members. (Except Zack.)

**A/N: **There is abuse in this chapter. If you don't feel comfortable reading about it, skip the flashbacks.

* * *

It hurt. The pain, oh, how it hurt! But did it really matter? I looked in the mirror, saw the surprise and fear in my own face, and I knew I couldn't continue with it, no matter how much emotional pain it took away. Biting my bottom lip, I walked out of the bathroom, mentally cursing at myself. What had I just done?

Laying down on my bed, tears began to fall from my eyes again. Then I wiped them away. I was Zack. Zack Martin, the older twin. The tough twin. The twin that doesn't cry.

And I was the twin nobody wanted to be around.

I was the twin people avoided. I was the twin that didn't have anything. I was the dumb twin. The lonely twin. The loser. I was the twin that people ignored. The one that had to live day after day, working his ass off for barely anything. I was the twin that couldn't use big words correctly, who couldn't even apply for college.

I was the twin that killed. I was the one that didn't care if I killed my brother. I was the one that could turn the cold shoulder on anyone. I could inflict pain on others as they did to me. I could get angry at the woman I loved most, ignore her. Tell her that I didn't care. I could hurt people, kill people, and I didn't seem to care.

But I did care.

I did care, I cared about being the twin that nobody wants to be around, being the hated one, the one who was too dumb to do anything. The one that was so heartless, so cold to others.

I hated killing my brother.

But what did it matter? Even life hated me. Life made this happen to me. Life shaped me to be this person that not even I liked. This person that I couldn't change. I hated myself. I hated life. I hated what I did to Cody. I killed my own brother, and for what? To prove what? To show my anger? To inflict pain on him? To kill him? Why did I kill Cody, my own twin, my other half, the one that used to be my best friend?

Used to be.

That was just it. Used to be. Three words, three small, short words. Three words that meant a lot. Used to be. I used to be cool and popular. I used to be loved. I used to be liked. I used to be friends with many people. I used to be able to have a conversation, a normal conversation, with the people I loved. Used to be.

Why is it that everything has to change so much? Why does the world have to be against me? I feel like I'm fighting against the world, everything and everybody in it except my new gang fighting against me. And I was losing. Why was I so weak? Why couldn't I do anything?

Then there was Dad. Two years before his marriage with that.. other woman, I had gone to see him. Cody had stayed behind, being too sick to travel. But I hated what I came face to face with. And, I was only fourteen at the time.

_Flashback_

"Hey, Dad!" I yelled into the house, and I was greeted by an angry-looking man with a beer bottle in hand. "Dad?" I asked, quieter this time, looking at the man with the stubble on his face and the untidy black hair. I gulped.

"Whadda ya want, kid?" he asked angrily. "And I expect you to call me 'Sir' from now on, you worthless piece of shit." Obviously this was Dad. Well, not obviously, but still.

"Where's my room, Sir?" I asked, fear in my voice and eyes. What had happened to my father? Why was he acting like this?

"Up here." Grabbing my arm so tightly that I could feel my circulation stopping and my arm turning red, Dad forced me up the stairs and into a windowless room with two lamps and a small bed. "I don't want you bothering me, alright? If you do, it won't be pretty, kid."

"Y-yes, Sir," I stammered, sighing with relief as he let go of my arm. I avoided contact with his eyes, hoping that he'd leave and be on his way. But it wasn't so.

"Are you glad that I'm leaving, kid? Are you afraid of me?" I said nothing in reply. "In that case, I think I'll stay in here a few minutes longer." It was obvious from the look on his face that he saw the look of fear that had crossed my own face. He laughed shortly, an evil laugh full of hatred. I watched his hands turn into fists, then, in no time at all, one of them coming at me. There was no time to block it, or even dodge it. Then another one came. And another. And it seemed that he gave harder and harder punches each time that I had blocked one.

_End Flashback_

That had hurt so bad! He had made two of my teeth fall out, as well as cracking three; and given me horrible black eyes. The only place that he hadn't hit on my face, I remembered, was my nose. At the time I had thought that was bad. And I had no idea what was in store for me.

_Flashback_

I had started to fight back. I had been with Dad for a week now, and so far nothing worse than kicks and punches had come up. So I fought back.

"Kid, were you in the kitchen today!" Dad yelled with anger obvious in his voice, and then when he opened the door it was obvious from the look of his face as well.

"Yes, Sir," I said, no fear in my face or voice. That was a good thing -- I had learned to hide my fear, hide my feelings around this menace. But I wasn't able to turn him in. I loved him. He was my Dad.

"I told you never to go into the kitchen!" He seemed particularly angry today. And... Sober? I gulped. He was _meaning _to abuse me. I had never guessed. Everytime that he had come in before, he was drunk. Now he wasn't. From his back pocket I saw him take out a gun. I stepped back, no longer able to contain my fear. It was a _gun._ He could _shoot_ me.

And I did.

I saw it in his eyes, that look of anger and hatred as he pulled the trigger and the bullet shot out so quickly that I hadn't had even time to move when it hit my arm. And before I hit the ground and shut my eyes I could see it in his eyes, that look of satisfaction but also that look that seemed to say, _'I should have killed him.'_ Then his voice rang out, and these words were words I could never forget:

"Soon enough, the world will recognize you for the worthless piece of shit you are."

I heard him walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him. My hand was covered with blood at this point and the blood was dripping onto the floor, and I couldn't get those words out of my head. _Soon enough, the world will recognize you for the worthless piece of shit you are. _I didn't know how true that had been.

_End Flashback_

My hand went to the arm that the bullet had hit, the scar was still there and I remembered that day as if it were yesterday. I remembered the other bullets I had taken because of Dad. And I also remember that only two years after that people had started to leave me. They had started to ignore me, treat me as if, as Dad put it, I was a worthless piece of shit.

Was I?

I always worked my hardest. I always did my best, I was always there to help Cody and Maddie and Mom and whoever needed help. I was funny, I kept things going and I kept things interesting. So why wasn't anybody liking me? Why was everybody leaving me?

All my life I had heard the words, _"Everything happens for a reason"_ coming out of people's mouths. But _did _everything happen for a reason? If so, why?

Why did Mom die? Why did Dad shoot me so many times, even while he was sober? Why did Mom and Cody and everyone else want to get rid of me, to get me to Dad's for the summer? Why didn't anyone know that he was abusing me? Why didn't anyone know about those scars when I showed them? Why didn't anybody care? Why was everything so wrong? Why couldn't I just live like a normal person for once?

Why?

That got me thinking, and thinking hard. Were they really the ones drifting away from me? They had to be. Sure, I had gotten quieter, but I still talked to people. At least, I tried to. And when Cody left for college, why didn't he call me like he promised? Was I really such a pain?

Day after day, my hatred towards myself and others had grown. But did I really need to waste my time waiting for Cody to call? Waiting for Maddie to come during a break? Waiting for someone to talk to me?

I snapped back to reality at that point, realizing something: I had left my journal at the Tipton. Rummaging through my stuff, I found that I still had that extra key to my old room. Nobody could read my journal. It contained too many of my thoughts within it's pages.

I dashed from my new home, running as fast as I could towards the Tipton. Pushing my way through the doors, I noticed Maddie was there. Now that I was gone, Maddie was there. Everyone was in the lobby, talking. Talking about something that seemed very important.

Then something caught my eye. Something that was on the table, open, for anybody's eyes to see.

My journal.

* * *

**A/N: **Three pages of actual story. -sigh- I was aiming higher, but I decided that this was a good place to stop. I'll see if I can make the next chapter a bit longer, however. I guarantee it'll be at least four full pages of story. That means that Author's Notes, etc. will be excluded in the page count. So... Look forward to it! 


	8. It's Over

**Unloved**

**Summary: **Everyone has left or ignored the eighteen-year-old Zack -- nobody seems to care for him anymore. But what happens when he decides to run away, then gets caught up in something bigger than anyone, even Cody, had expected? (Zack's POV)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters that are in the episodes of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. (Except Zack.)

* * *

They were talking about me. About my journal. I could hear them, Maddie saying, "We never knew how much he had gone through. Why didn't he tell us? We would have listened. It's not like we would ignore him or anything, as he claims in that book."

That got on my last nerve. They didn't think that they were ignoring me? They hadn't talked to me for years! That is, of course, excluding Maddie and Cody, and they had nothing to say. Nothing important, anyway. They shaped me. They made me who I am. Some may have said, "They've created a monster!" If I was a monster, I didn't care. They should be the ones to care. They changed me. They changed me into a beast, a killer. Someone who appeared not to care. And they didn't care. Not until I showed my new true self to the world.

"Liar!" I screamed, making all heads turn towards me. Even the guests and workers that probably didn't even know who I am. How suprising. As Maddie opened her mouth, I continued, cutting her off. "You say that you didn't ignore me. But that's a lie! You never came to see me. Not a phone call, not a visit. Same with Cody. He ignored me. Max and Tapeworm do the same thing. And, Moseby, you only talked to me to yell at me. Esteban, you'd walk the opposite way whenever I was in sight, and the only thing you ever said was, 'Move it, big blonde people.' Muriel, you don't talk to me at all. London, same with you." I paused slightly, looking at the faces of the people standing before me. But they didn't look that suprised. If anything, they were suprised I was there and talking to them like this. "And then you come in here and try to say that you don't ignore me? When I tried to tell you guys that Dad was abusing me, you didn't listen. Then when Cody was there, Dad wouldn't do anything to him. It was always me. Always me, that worthless piece of shit that's a freakin' burden to the damn world. Dad was right -- I'm a worthless piece of shit. It was only a matter of time for everyone to realize that. Again, Dad was right. And keep your damned hands away from my journal."

"Zachary Martin, do _not _use that language in my hotel," Moseby said firmly, as if I had never said anything except cuss words.

"My point has been proven. Did I just admit the truth for nothing? Did I just tell you what happened, just to be ignored again? I shouldn't have even bothered." I grabbed my journal, glared at each of the people in the room, and began to walk out when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around, taking my hand and slapping the person in the face. I had just slapped Moseby. And why?

Then I saw Maddie coming closer to me, staring in my eyes. They say that you can tell what a person is feeling by looking in their eyes. But could you tell the feelings of someone who isn't even sure of their own feelings?

A part of me was sad and depressed. That sadness and depression led to the hatred and the anger I was feeling, the need to give them what they've done to me. But then, the other part of me wanted to be understanding and forgiving, it wanted for me to say that I was sorry. Yet, the first part always ruled out the second part. They'd taken me in way too deep. I couldn't just say I was sorry. And if I did, would it all just start back over again?

I tore my eyes from Maddie's as Moseby said, "Zachary Martin, I want you to leave this hotel right now and never come back. And give me the extra key." He was obviously upset. I couldn't blame him, though. I had just slapped him on the face.

"Gladly," I replied, throwing the key and clenching my jaw, readjusting my grip on the journal and then walking out the doors. I looked back once, I know that I shouldn't have but I did, and I saw most of them with happy faces and making what seemed to be joyous remarks. The only one that didn't was Maddie, who was standing right at the place that she had looked into my eyes at. Maybe she was thinking. Maybe she was actually watching me leave. It didn't matter. It's not like she cared.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back around to face where I was going and began to walk, back to the base. With my journal. And the only thing that went through my mind were Dad's words -- _''You worthless piece of shit." _I had always thought that my friends would be there for me. I was wrong. I had been left, not wanted. I had been ignored, turned into a monster. And what did they care? Nothing. That was just it. Nothing. I was nothing to them. They cared nothing about me. And why should they?

I stopped, half-way back to the gang's place, my place. My home. I stopped, and I turned, trying to remember where the nearest body of water was and ran. The wind weaving through my blond hair like I was twelve again; it felt great. My feet hitting the ground for only a split-second before they went back into the air again, my hands turning into fists as I ran faster and faster, gripping my journal tighter in one hand. Smiling broadly as I ran, my eyes squinting against the wind that came at me, my heart pounding in my chest and my ears; remembering all the times I'd race Cody through the lobby, then to the park. All the games we played -- lobby football, basketball, hockey. As I neared the water, I put my hands on my bent knees and put my head down before collapsing onto the ground, where I rolled over and looked at the sky.

My breathing was heavy, and my fears, my problems, and my anger had been forgotten. Whoever said that you couldn't run from your problems was wrong. I just had. I had ran, ran as fast as I could and then I forgot about everything that was bothering me. Acting like a little kid again, figuring out what kind of shapes the clouds where. I loved it. I wished I could just go back, make my life different. Be different. Let Cody live.

Tears filled my eyes again, and I remembered my previous thoughts -- I was Zack Martin, the tough twin, the twin that never cries. The twin that had to always be strong for Cody and Mom. And where did that get me? Nowhere. But I shut my eyes and the tears slid out, and as I opened them the whole world was blurry. The tears ran down my face, no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I was weak. I couldn't even face these problems. I had to run away from them. Laying my journal beside me, I just went all out and cried. Made the choking noises (involuntarily, of course) and everything. And it felt good.

As I regained control, I made a few more choking noises that I just had to make in order to quit crying. I wiped my eyes and sighed. Why did nobody seem to understand? Sure, Boss and the others accepted me, but did they really know what was going on? Did they know _why _I killed Cody? Did they know what I was feeling? Did they know how much I regretted his death? Did they really care?

Rubbing a hand through my hair, I fought back more tears. Remembering my journal, I opened it and my eyes fell onto the page.

_'July 19th_

_I was, of course, at Dad's today. For my second year. And this year... Let me tell you, it's worse than last year. Today, he had this girl over. I could hear them all day. When I even made a sound, Dad would come busting in and he would hit me. One time he hit me so hard I fell unconscious._

_But Dad wasn't the only one abusing me. The girl he had over did, too. And she used the gun. It was a small gun, but she took it out of her pocket and shot me, in the ear. It was sticking out, so the bullet went right past my skull. Maybe people will ask me about my ear. Maybe not. What should I expect? People have been drifting away from me lately, and I don't like it._

_Anyway, Cody was here with me today. He had been able to leave. Dad told him that I was going to do some kind of bonding. When Cody got back, he didn't seem to notice my new injuries. Not even my ear. Dad had cut my hair, too. Shaved it bald, in fact. So the ear must've been visible. All Cody talked about was this girl he met. How he liked her and he thought she liked him and all. But _I_ was supposed to be the guy all the girls liked! Not Cody!_

_This definitely angered me. But what would I say? If I got mad at Cody, Dad would come in looking all nice and tell Cody he could go watch TV while I had a talk with hm. And then, Dad would hit me. Hurt me so badly, and then when Cody came back in he wouldn't even notice my injuries. Some brother. Some Dad._

_Some life._

_- Zack'_

I could see that day clearly in my mind. Everyone seemed to be turning against me, not Cody. But why? It's not like I had done anything in particular. And yet, they all seemed to hate me. I was staring at that page, in my own little world, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning my head, wanting to know who wanted me, I saw Maddie. I slammed the book closed.

"What do you want?" I demanded, knowing that my face was probably still red from my crying. I tried to sound tough and angry, but my voice wavered a bit, I could tell. I just wanted it all to go away. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to turn back time. I wanted to do everything right.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay..." Maddie said quietly. I knew that she could tell how hurt I was. I knew that she knew what I was feeling. But what _was_ I feeling? I gulped, turning my head away.

"I'm -- I'm just fine, Maddie. You've seen that I'm okay, though why everything suddenly matters to you now is beyond me." I bit my lip, my hand going up to my ear and my pinky going through the small hole.

"I didn't know, Zack. None of us knew what you were feeling." She paused there, and as I opened my mouth she started again. "You should have told us about your dad's abuse, Zack. Why didn't you?"

"Dammit, Maddie, I tried! I tried to tell you, but everytime I said something you would all just say I was crazy or give me a look like I was going insane or like I was an idiot or something. Don't you get it? You ignored me." I turned from her, and when I felt her hand on my shoulder I took a deep breath before turning to face her.

"We didn't mean to ignore you, Zack. We really didn't. How were we supposed to know? I was busy with school, Cody was busy with school..."

"Shut up, Maddie! Just _shut up!_ You weren't that busy with school if you could drive down here today, and it's not even on a break. So just stop saying that you were 'too busy' and that Cody was 'too busy'. If Cody was too busy why'd he try to arrest me that night? If he could try to arrest his own brother in the middle of the night, why can't he call me during a break?"

I could see the tears well up in Maddie's eyes as I finished, breathing heavily. "Zack..." She paused again, wiping her eyes and sniffling. "London said it was urgent for me to come down here. So I did."

"I'm done, Maddie, I'm done. I give up. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm going to stop trying to explain this to you. You never listen. I'm just going to stop fighting. I'm going to let this new me become the only me. This new me that you created, with the help of everyone around you. The me that killed Cody, that joined a gang. I'm done with the fight, Maddie. I'm done trying to change the me that you created. It's not working, and I'm not going to try to make it. That's it. This is me now. Hope you like it." With that I turned around and walked away, leaving the old me right there beside Maddie. I wasn't fighting against myself anymore. It was over, like I said to Maddie. The fight... I was done with it.

I was done with it and it was done with me. Just the way it should be. I'd become the person that everyone obviously wanted for me to be. And that was it.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, so that was the end! If you want me to, I'll make a sequel. Be sure to ask me. If at least three people want me to, I will. Other wise... That's it.

**A/N2: **It's four pages, like I promised it'd be! Aren't you happy? xD


End file.
